Welcome to Cardinals Opening Day Bingo.

Tonight’s game is on ESPN. If you’re like me, when I’m watching any nationally televised Cardinals game, the idiocy of the announcers – who clearly don’t follow the Cardinals – makes me want to stick entire colonies of moths in my ears.

ESPN is ESPN. They serve as another example of not serving life long baseball fans, but instead wanting to sound super hip and cool to a person who accidentally turned on that game that kind of looks like cricket. They are going to be terrible enough we are going to be pleading with Al Hrabosky to take over the microphone. Yes, I mean that.

But in the meanwhile, we can have a little fun with their inane Cubs love fest and boring retelling of facts we’ve all heard a billion times.

This is pretty simple.

send a message to @stlcardscards or @cardinalsgifs

We will send you your bingo card for the night.

Beginning at broadcast time – meaning after the pregame stuff is done, and they throw it to the actual announcers while the players are on the field, start keeping track. It’s almost a certainty each of the items on your card will come up in some way. That’s how boring and predictable ESPN is. Only now, you can print it out, mark it, whatever! We don’t really care. It’s just an internet game. And soon – probably before the 1st batter is done hitting – we will have a winner.

Oh, if something is in quotes, the broadcasters HAVE to say that quote. so they have to say “Sea of red” for it to count. If something isn’t in quotes, like David Ross, they only have to bring him up. Which they will. Because they suck.

And yes, the winner will get a prize.

Yeah, you KNOW you want that. CardinalsGifs can edit that picture to make it AMAZING.

In the meantime, I’ll give you an example of a card so you can see what we are talking about. And when you look at this, remember if you’re one of the first people, you’ll actually get a much cooler card with pictures via CGifs. I just don’t want to waste a copy here.

I fully expect “Anything about the NFL” to be the first thing I mark off. See you tonight!