Matt Adams 5 Biggest Homers Ranked By Cheeseburgers

I woke up yesterday to read this tweet….

and I thought “Dammit, he’s right. This is a Cardinals blog. This is America. And Cardinal’s savior, inspiration, and Man-God Matt Adams deserves a Thank You post written about him.”

And what could be more representative the delicious blending of Adamericardinals than a big juicy cheeseburger? Thus I immediately decided to sit down and tell you the 5 biggest home runs in Adams career as ranked by cheeseburgers.

But instead I took, like, a 7 hour nap. It was spectacular. So I’ll do it today, as a pick me up from last nights little league exhibition loss.

5. May 23, 2016

It was already a tough year. The Cardinals had been, thus far, slaughtered by both of their NL Central rivals. What’s worse, the Cubs had run out to an unstoppable lead in the standings. 2016 seemed over before it ever began.

The icing on the crap cake, was that this day we got to watch Cardinals-defector, 2015 NLDS game 4 bed crapper, and universally known all-around asshole John Lackey dominate the Cardinals. Something he’d done once the month before already.

Lackey was cruising into the 7th inning, with his team winning again, 3-1. He’d given up a total of 4 hits and struck out 8 by the time Matt Adams stepped to the plate as the last obstacle between Lackey having a completely dominate 7 innings.

With Yadier Molina at 1B, a ball in the gap wouldn’t do. With the speed of these Jesse Owens clones on the bases, a ball off the top of the wall would have likely resulted in a force play at 2B or 1B. No, the Cardinals needed a home run. And after watching Lackey own the Cardinals all year, that seemed impossible.

Then, this happened…

The Cardinals later walked off the game on a Grichuk home run. And yeah, this wasn’t the most important home run of all time. It’s not going to keep the Cubs from making the playoffs. It’s not going to be the difference in the Cardinals winning the division. It doesn’t earn the greatest cheeseburger of all time. But it does earn the deliciousness of giving baby bears a little bit of pain, thus:


4. July 22, 2016

You know this one. I don’t have to tell you about this one. If you’re reading this in the future, well, it was an important game. The Dodgers and Cardinals were both fighting for a playoff spot, the Cardinals had struggled at home all year long, and Matt Adams was in a deep, deep slump. This isn’t even to mention that Bud Norris was pitching, and his basic career claim to fame was that the Cardinals became a team of Kozmas around him.

I was exhausted. I announced to the world earlier that day that I wouldn’t be going out because I needed sleep, and would be going to bed early.

16 damn innings later, and Matt Adams made me too excited to go to bed.

The burger? That’s an easy one. I have no idea how important this home run might end up being, but for now we can all take a satisfying bite into anything that makes Dodgers fans feel blue.


3. July 7th, 2014

I don’t think people remember the struggle of the 2014 season. The team couldn’t hit, led by ruined Allen Craig and his iron clad spot in the lineup. Frustration was mounting, and the Cardinals were about to face the very good Pirates at Busch stadium. They did so having just fallen a 1/2 game behind the Pirates and into 3rd place.


Go ahead and search Twitter around this time. Hint: we weren’t the happiest bunch. To make matters worse, it looked like yet again the punch-less Cardinals would waste Adam Wainwright’s mastery. He had thrown 7 shutout innings, which his offense had rewarded by getting ONE HIT off of Charlie Morton over the same time span.

Then, in the bottom of the 9th, Matt Adams stepped up against Pirates lefty Justin Wilson, who, granted, wasn’t the greatest pitcher in the world. However, it’s a well known fact that any lefty, including Ned Flanders, could polish off Matt Adams without a 2nd thought.

Which is when…

The Cardinals actually won the NEXT game in a walk-off too, in a season in which the Cardinals won the division over Pittsburgh by 2 games. So, yeah, pretty damned important. And it most definitely deserves this cheeseburger:


That, folks, is the quadruple bypass burger from the Heart-Attack grill. Which is very fitting, since Cardinal nation was having an arrhythmia all season long and our hearts exploded when Adams went deep. No joke, when you order this burger, they wheel you out to your car in a wheelchair. Which means after eating this burger, you aren’t even able to walk it off. But Matt Adams did.

October 16, 2014

This is the great forgotten Matt Adams home run. He actually had another just a few days before when his home run off of Hunter Strickland in the bottom of the 8th that tied the game before Kolton Wong walked it off, but that home run is now forever buried.

This home run wasn’t off of crappy Hunter Strickland, it was off of world beating lefty Madison Bumgarner that tied the game when the Cardinals were facing elimination. Like a few nights before, it actually proceeded a more shocking home run – when Tony Cruz, TONY FREAKING CRUZ, took Bum deep to give the Cards the lead.

Later, of course, it all came crashing down when Mike Matheny’s strategy of never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever letting Michael Wacha throw a pitch until his arm had completely forgotten what a baseball was, and then putting him into a tied elimination game, somehow didn’t work out.

Still, enjoy the excitement one more time of when Matt Adams gave us hope:

Now, how to find a burger that fits all of this? One in which you are ultimately, completely excited about but that leaves you disappointed, bitter, and in tears for days to come when OTHER PEOPLE RUIN IT FOR YOU? Don’t worry, there is indeed a burger that embodies this perfectly.


1. October 7, 2014.

You know this one. I don’t have to tell you about this one. Long after you’ve forgotten the strikeouts swinging at 44 foot breaking pitches, you’ll remember this moment.

Down 2-0 against Clayton Kershaw, bottom of the 7th, hope fading. The swing. The jump. The screaming. The Kershawing. It’s a beautiful moment that is not only Adams’ biggest moment, but one of the top moments in all of St. Louis Cardinals history. That’s how big that is.

How big?

This big:black-bear-guinness-burger-eater.0

That’s the world’s biggest cheeseburger. It has 60 pounds of bacon. I don’t even know what to call this.

Matt Adams would know what to call it. He’d call it an appetizer.

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